Just Be

There is a poem by Marianne Williamson called "Our Deepest Fear".  I read it a long time ago, but occasionally would conjur up pieces of it when I was feeling some type of way.  In it's entirety, it reads like this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So, I studied this poem recently.  I read it over and over again until it became a part of my spirit.  You see, for a while, a part of me wanted to be a part of the background.  I wanted to secretly blend in to the scenery and become invisible.  Because of so many insecurities that I had allowed to take up residence in my mind, I just didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself.  But I wasn't like that always.

In my late teens, early twenties, I packed up and moved to Baltimore, MD with my dear, precious Aunt Kathy.  And lawd, you couldn't tell me NOTHING!  I lived my life in COLOR. I had an awesome job and no responsibility. I was Miss It, Miss Grown and Sexy, Miss Imma Do Me!  I definitely was not looking to blend in.  Fresh off the train with my southern girl charm and country drawl, I immediately made friends. There was nothing shrinking about my personality then.  I didn't have many fears and if I did, I didn't allow them to consume me in such a way that I would shy away from a challenge.  But life happened.  Opinions and achievements/lack of achievements, heart aches and heart breaks happened and began to impede my self-confidence.  And then one day I magically began to live a life in neutral. 

You see, I knew at a very young age I was supposed to be somebody special.  God revealed BIG plans to me.  I would lock myself away and read for hours about how others lived their high class lifestyles.  I would visualize the house I would have, the cars I would drive, the friends I would share my world with and the family I would take care of.  When my grandfather was sick with pancreatic cancer, I would spend time with him and clip his nails and groom him.  He was a very "dapper" man and was always clean and shiny! One of our many conversations was about cars.  So he asked me, baby if you could have any car in the world, what would it be?  Mind you I was 13...I said I want a 500 SL Mercedes Benz, red convertible with tan leather interior!  He said what in the world do you know about a car like that?  I said I just do!  He said well I am quite certain you will have everything you could ever dream of.  I dreamed of someday teaching girls about proper etiquette and how to be a lady. (Yeh, me, what did I know about proper etiquette! LOL) I love Audrey Hepburn and My Fair Lady was and still is one of my favorite movies.  So I would study her and pretend...I couldve, I should've, I would've...if only...

But I sit here today, at the age of 40 reaching deep down and pulling her back up.  She was dormant for too long.  Some may say, who is she to think she is brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Who is she that she would think she deserves the house, the cars, the family, the love, the peace, the joy...and I ask them, who am I not to be. So now, I tell myself every day, JUST BE.  Be Brilliant, Be Talented, Be Fabulous.  It's ok.

 Find your inner Eliza.  Allow her to flourish.  Stop blending in and start standing out.  We were all meant to shine!

AJoy ~ GN

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14

The Mean Reds

I loved the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's.  Even before I really understood the plot, theme or whatever they are called. LOL.  But there was just something about the sadness, happiness, quirkiness, boldness and vulnerability of Holly that appealed to me, even as a teenager when I first saw the movie.

There is one scene where Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn) explains what having the "mean reds" actually means.  "The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of....Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!" You would have to watch the movie to understand that last part! 

So my question to myself this evening was, when I get the mean reds, what calms me down?  We all need a "resting place".  A place we can run and recoup, a sanctuary.  Instead of a man-cave, we need a diva dome! Because there is nothing appealing about a cave! And real diva's don't do anything small.  LOL. But seriously.  I'm not speaking only of a physical space.  The mean reds can be debilitating.  Fear can be all consuming and will hinder you from progression.  I know.  Because I have fears that I cannot even identify at times.  It just creeps in and sucks all sense of confidence, ability and awesomeness from me.  And don't even get me started on public speaking.  And what is so ironic, someone is always telling me how well I speak!  But it scares me to pieces! My hands shake, my knees knock, and I lose my breath because of my abnormal diaphragm so I can't say too many words without taking breaths...I see myself as a hot mess when I speak.

So what do you have to do to overcome those nasty mean reds? I found an excerpt from A Better You Blog, 5 Steps to Overcome Fear of Failure, and they actually make sense and can be easily applied.


~ Identify your fear - What is it you are most afraid of?
~ Understand your fear - Figure out the messages and warnings your fear sends you.
~ Re-Interpret it - Once you know the messages fear sends, create positive messages to replace them.
~ Disable it - Take the insecurity or hurt of your past and fight to remove its strength.
~ Use it - take that anger and frustration from having fear and let it motivate you to accomplish amazing things.

From this day forward, I vow that the mean reds have no power over me anymore.  On my list of things to do tomorrow, (well, later this morning) is to identify, understand, reinterpret, disable and use my fear.  I will write it down so I know for sure what it or they are.  Fear is not of God and I refuse to let it play leading role in my life any longer.  I know I am destined for greatness.  Whether anyone else believes it or not.

~GN, AJOY


Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

Decisions

Don't you ever wonder maybe if you took a left turn instead of a right you could be someone different and change your life forever? I read a status on Facebook this morning, "It is in our moments of decision that our destiny is shaped." - Anthony Robbins.  It confirmed what my thoughts were as I rolled out of bed, any decision I make today, will determine my tomorrow.  No matter how small.

I made so many right turns, left turns, wrong turns and backwards turns that I was so dizzy I couldn't tell what direction I was going in! But one thing changed my life forever, I made a decision.  A decision to embrace my past as a learning experience to change my future. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  That is what Mr. Albert Einstein says!  And it is the truth!  Why do we do that?  Because we are scared to step out on faith and MAKE A DECISION.  Decisions need to be made quickly.  Dwelling on something for too long prolongs and hinders your rational thinking.  Should you pray about it?  Sure.  You will get your answer when you ask the right question.   

Critical skills in leading and managing, whether leading and managing oneself, other individuals, groups or organizations, are skills in decision-making and problem solving.  This applies to your personal and professional life. How can you be a leader and you can't make a quick decision?  Someone who is depending on you does not have time to wait for you to consult your entire family and support group.  Be a leader, make a decision QUICKLY! Do not procrastinate. 

In today's society, well, in today's economy, we are faced with many difficult decisions.  Should I keep my home, can I afford my car, can I feed my children this week?  We can choose to accept that is just the way it is, or we can make a decision to turn it around.  Impossible?  Naw.  Not when you have a will to be better, do better and live better.  Why is it that some people are doing so much better than others in the same economy with the same choices?  Because the ones who are succeeding made a DECISION to do better.  That's all.  A made up mind is a dangerous one.  

You have the power to change your future.  And when you figure it out, share it.  As Nelson Mandela has said, "Sharing what you know is not an "Opportunity" it's a "Responsibility".  Give, and you shall receive, pressed down, shaken together and running over...All indecision's become decisions over time.  Make sure you are in control.

AJoy~GN

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

www.anissajoytaylor.com 

 

To Live Doesn't Mean You're Alive

"I fly with the stars in the skies, I am no longer trying to survive. I believe that life is a prize. But to live doesn't mean you're alive. Don't worry about me & who I fire. I get what I desire, It's my empire. And yes, I call the shots, I am the umpire, I sprinkle holy water upon the vampire.

In this very moment I'm king. In this very moment I slayed Goliath with a sling. This very moment I bring put it on everything, that I will retire with the ring and I will retire with the crown, Yes. No I'm not lucky I'm blessed, Yes. Clap for the heavyweight champ, Me, I fly with the stars in the skies. I am no longer trying to survive. I believe that life is a prize. But to live doesn't mean you're alive."

These are the words to Nicki Minaj's song, Moment 4 Life.  Yes, I like Nicki, LOL.  No matter how strange some may believe she is.  The words are powerful and a message that standing firm and believing in yourself does pay off, no matter what anyone says or who tries to stop you. We have to live our dreams for ourselves, not for anyone else.  Although we may encounter our own personal Goliaths, we must consistently perservere and strive for the ring, the crown, the prize.

Stop trying to live, and just do it.  Embrace life and each and every obstacle it may bring.  I pray I have this moment for life.  This moment of refreshing, of pure, unwavering faith in myself and the possiblities that life has to offer.  The world is there, for us to write our own verse to our own song.  Don't just live, but be alive. If that means reinventing who you are, or who you want to be, then do it.  Who says you can't?  Only those who are miserably unhappy with who they really are.  But that has nothing to do with you. They are fighting their own personal demons. Why do we allow someone elses insecurities to distort our very own personal visions and dreams?  That is their problem, not yours.  So get you gloves ready, fight your way out and be ALIVE.

Yep, it's my empire and I will get what I desire, because I call the shots since I am the umpire. I believe, why don't you? "The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be." ~ Oprah Winfrey

 AJoy ~

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." ~ Ephesians 2:10

Number One

I read a tweet this morning by Ralph Marston that said: "You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else's life".  I realized that I had this very epiphany a few months back.

As I reflect back on the past year, well, the past FEW years, I can honestly say that being my true, real SELF was often avoided out of fear of not pleasing someone.  Don't get me wrong, I can be real enough at times and let myself "shine through", but being 100% true to myself and my wants, desires and needs took a back seat to people pleasing.  Not always those who are close to me.  But people who I needed to interact with on a daily basis.  But I thank God for being released from that bondage!

As soon as I realized that I could only be truly content and real at all times with complete transparency is when the blinders were removed and I recognized the error of my ways.  The first step towards transformation is renewing your mind. Changing your mindset and changing your thought patterns.  Transformation has to begin within.  And if we cannot find the inner strength to be real and live our own lives, then we will certainly live in complete utter darkness.

"Every thang ain't for everybody."  And that will be a motto I will have to hold near and dear as I embark in new ventures and new opportunities in 2011.  Everyone will not understand.  But, my life is not their life.  We were all given a destiny.  A unique, divinely appointed destiny that is as individually different as the hairs on our heads.

So whatever hopes, dreams or visions you have, are yours.  Run with them. Share them. Show them off. Who cares what anybody else thinks.  You are here to be you, not to live someone else's life. There is nothing more beautiful than knowing your worth. Sometimes you have to be your own #1!


AJoy ~ Blessings 

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 (NKJV)

You Grow Girl!

So here we are, minutes into 2011 and I am reading tweets and watching my husband snore at the other end of the couch.  I have not written in a while, but felt that it was necessary to end the year with a word or two, or three...

A friend of mine posted something on her Facebook page a while ago and I was excited for her and replied, "you grow girl".  Meaning, that is alright, keep doing what you are doing and keep moving in the direction of "UP".  During this time, a few of us were in the preliminary stages of planning a women's conference.  I had no idea that this phrase would become the title!  But I really don't think there could have been a better fitting phrase.

You see.  We have been through a lot since I became friends with this group of women in 1999.  We have cried, laughed, married, divorced, partied, prayed, loved, graduated, given birth, over came sicknesses and buried loved ones.  But during all of this, one thing remained true.  We grew.  We grew in knowledge, empowerment, love.  We grew spiritually, intellectually, financially.  We grew closer to some people and we grew apart from others.  But, we grew.  And that is so definitive when you look back and reflect on the year behind us.  Growth is inevitable.  We grow in length, width and circumference, we grow figuratively and literally.  

But reflecting on the growth that I experienced the past 12 months, I can honestly say that I never anticipated I would be where I am right now.  No, it may not be where I want to be.  But my mindset is in a completely different place today, January 1, 2011 than it was January 1, 2010.  I am bolder, wiser, better.  I realize who I am and WHOSE I am.  I have grown into my thoughts so to speak.  My inner self, the person deep down who would come to life at night in my dreams has finally surfaced and is taking charge and center stage.  And she couldn't have come at a better time.  In 4 months, I will turn 40 years old and all I can say is WHAT TOOK SO LONG!  But everything happens in God's timing.  Everything has it's divine order.

I am so grateful for growth.  The growth I have experienced this past year and the growth that I anticipate will happen over the next 12 months.  I have warned my husband repeatedly that this will be a year of work.  Now that I know my purpose, my passion and my path, it's time to water those seeds that have been planted so a "growth spurt" can take place. 


"Whatever has been, has been and is finished. What is to be, is yours now to choose. " ~ Ralph Martson

So good bye 2010.  Good riddance.  I look forward to what Twenty-Eleven has in store for me.  "You Grow Girl".


~Ajoy~GN & Happy New Year! ~The only way to grow is UP!

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" ~ 2 Peter 3:18